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It didn’t help that I wasn’t sure what I needed to actually work on.

Part of what slows us down when we’re learning how to date – or want to date better – is that we tend to focus on the wrong things.

If you’re going to try to improve at basketball, you run drills, you take shots, you work on your hustle. Now it makes sense that – especially at the time – if I wanted to get good at picking up girls and bars, then I needed to spend time picking up girls in bars.

If you want to get better at an academic discipline, you study, you read, you memorize, you take tests. That was practicing my skills at specific times – nights out, occasional daytime approaches – I was slowing myself down.

This is why one of the things I advise people who deal with approach anxiety is to simply start by going up to people and asking them for the time.

Once you’re used to asking for the time, you start pretending to be a tourist in your own town and ask for directions.

In my case, if I wanted to practice, I had to go get gussied up, maybe get ahold of some of my friends or regular wingmen and head out to the bars.The only divergence is in the ultimate goal; presumably you’re not trying to fuck your fellow caffeine junkie.But it’s that very similarity that gives you opportunities to develop your skills.You might have a decent lifestyle but need to put more work into connecting with people, whereas someone else might have to deal with internal issues while otherwise being fairly charismatic.Still others will want to work on their external presentation. Improving any skill takes practice and practice takes time.

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