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And now, at long last, it’s time for the Rose Ceremony, and for Thumb to gin up some tears as he says goodbye to Bachelorachel and their explosive chemistry*. He calls Raven first, which I take as a surefire sign that The Clue is the odds-on favorite, followed by The Clue herself.That leaves Bachelorachel out in the cold, of course, and Thumb dutifully sits down to with her to improve both of their edits.Bachelorachel has decided that this is the day she shares her feelings with Thumb finally, and Thumb has decided that this is the day he’ll go for the record of “Most Times Interrupting A Woman Who Is Much More Interesting Than You.” Every time she gets close to completing a full sentence, this horny little Buddy the Elf is jumping in with a sentence fragment.He might as well be saying, “Me too, but more” in the middle of every revelation she’s attempting to share with him.The tape is labeled “The Women Tell All,” and I’ve been made to understand that anyone on it has already been eliminated as a suspect, but ABC thinks it would be worthwhile for me to watch it, so I guess I’ll clear my schedule and tell my teenage daughter I’m busy. Not with me, with her friends, but she wanted me to drive her.

We met Bachelorachel, who was trying all season to make America fall in love with her, and now that we have, I hope they give the poor girl a break for a second. That concludes my surveillance on Thumb and his Sex Rooms, but I do also have some footage of individual interviews on a separate tape, that we might as well go through right now.

She tells him she loves him, and he tells the camera that he’s worried that this relationship has the potential for more conflict than the others that he’s been pursuing on the show, and they pull out their invitation to spend the night together, and that tiny silver key that you know they recycle for all three women. Get real, you’re holding the same key that already unlocked Raven’s door to Pleasure Island two nights before.

They decide to spend the night together, but not which country they’ll live in, YOLO.

It is incredibly romantic, and never more so than when he refers to the volleyball date where, “you kind of lost your mind.” Wow, does anyone have a ring?

I would like to propose marriage to this overbaked ham right now.

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